As I was not feeling well, I opted out of sports.  Also, they were going elsewhere for it, and it was cold and wet, and it was probably best that I stayed in and got some rest.  Sometimes, it’s just good to rest and have some quiet time.  Of course, that was interrupted an hour later when they returned, but some rest is better than none. 

There was Conversation tonight, and that went well in general.  Jana, who I don’t usually talk to very often, was actually quite talkative and interesting, and I wish that I had been able to get to know her more.  She tends to be a bit introverted, so it’s nice that she was talking… about food!  And who doesn’t love the topic of food?  The second conversation was with Noemie and Reka, and we talked about friendship and the future (again, very interesting conversation), but near the end of it, we were interrupted by the fire alarm being set off.  We all rushed out, but there was really no crisis.  Just an accident, I think.  We’re all okay. 

The students worked on the play tonight, and they did so well on thinking up their own twist to the play.  It’s actually quite creative, and they were really able and willing to go for it.  Lots of good ideas as to how to make it funny.  Benoit was the note-taker and took down ideas for scenes as they brainstormed.  I think it will be funny, so I’m a bit sad I won’t be here for it.

Most people know when I’ll be leaving.  Which is sad, and I don’t want to part just yet.  And it doesn’t make it easier that I know I’ve been helpful to them and when they make comments to that effect.  But really, I just want to know how the program will end and where everyone will be headed next.  It’s kind of like leaving mid-way through a movie without seeing the ending.  Not that I’m complaining.  I’ve liked my time here, and it’s been spiritually and emotionally challenging (in a good way).  I hope all the best for the students and I pray that their time in Chemin Neuf will be transformative.

• Instead of going to morning prayer and devotional time, we go to a morning Mass in a church in Somerton, and though I don’t take part in the Eucharist, I like to go as it provides a nice format for reflection and peace.
• We watched the Rob Bell Nooma video called “Dust,” and was inspired to contemplate about God’s faith in us, that we could be like Jesus and carry on God’s work.
• Went out into town and check out a couple of small shops.  Was inspired to think of things that the English program could benefit from.  Also ran into Benoit on the way back.
• Silent lunch.  ‘Nuff said.
• Worked with Colette to finalize our teaching material on pronunciation and script.  In class, she introduced the play to them, which I’m sure they’ll want to revise because it’s super cheezy.  But I think that doing the play will be a good exercise for them
• Hamburgers for dinner???  YAY!
• Worship time.  I love it when everyone is just singing and praying on their own thing, when the voices all just meld together in harmony.  You can “feel” the layers and the sound encompass you as you stand still.

Was a good day overall, a time for me to be pensive and get lost in my own thoughts.

1. If you mess up, be willing to admit it.

This teacher confused the students by making a mistake, and then sought to defend it. When they persisted on saying that what he was saying couldn’t be right and kept asking him to explain himself, he then corrected himself by asserting that their first answer was indeed correct. But instead of saying that he was wrong, he said that it was a “red herring” made to test them.  All teachers make mistakes, but I distrust teachers who can’t admit to their mistakes.

2. Your pride is less important than the students’ well-being.

By this time, they were so frustrated at him that one of the students blew a fuse, so I took her aside to the lounge (and attempted to be discrete without interrupting the class), where the student vented. We sat there until she calmed down and chose to return to the class. After class, the teacher told me how angered he was that I didn’t ask permission to pull the student aside.  In reality, had he not kicked up a fuss about us leaving, it wouldn’t have been so awkward.

3. Be willing to reconcile (even if you weren’t completely in the wrong).

My attempt to be conciliatory meant that I accepted that it irritated him and was more disruptive than intended, but if I erred, I erred on the side of the students. Because the student really needed it, and had he seen the extent of her outburst, how angry she was at the way he teaches them, maybe he would have been more understanding to us leaving. As it was, I’m sure he thinks I was completely out of line. The way I see it, though, the student is an adult and able to walk out of the class anytime she wants, but she probably wouldn’t have left on her own; I was enabling her to do what she needed to do so she could go back and study.  And I can’t feel sorry about that.  But for the sake of professionalism, I will try to work with him in the classes.

4. As a teacher, you really need to learn to connect with the students.

If you don’t love them, you shouldn’t be teaching.  Period.  That’s as black and white as I get on this issue, and I stand by it (particularly, though not exclusively, for those who volunteer).  No matter how smart you are, you need to be able to communicate your knowledge in a way that the students understand or you’re wasting your time and effort.  If your audience is having difficulty following you, you need to ask yourself if the problem is with the understanding of the audience or with the transmission of the knowledge by the speaker.  Unless the topic is rocket science, it’s probably the speaker who is having the difficulty communicating.

5. I’m protective over my students, so you better not make disparaging comments to them and hope that I will still be on your side (okay, this isn’t a principle, it’s just the way I feel about it).

This is just a no-no for teachers. Don’t remark to them about how ignorant they are. Don’t say that you can’t teach them something they’re asking you about because their knowledge isn’t sufficient. Don’t give them lectures about needing to practice in order to learn (that’s just patronizing). Seriously. I’m not sure why any teacher would do this unless he/she is completely disconnected with the students or has a huge ego problem. If you do these things and if I’m not able to overtly criticize you, chances are that I will begin to do subversive things to undermine you.

I would say I see this person as… a challenge.  He’s challenging to love, and it has made me reflect on my insufficiencies, and in a way, second guess myself.  Looking back, I still don’t think I was wrong about it, but I feel as if I must be open to that possibility that maybe there was a better outcome that I had overlooked.  That I am called to love and forgive and treat him as if there had been no wrong that had occurred between us is more difficult.  How can I not act awkwardly around him, when before I already found it so difficult to be around him?  In a way, I feel like this is an opportunity to practice lovingkindness, but I’m not sure I’m up to the task, and I’m going to admit that this tries me more than I would like.  It’s a bit of a conundrum, because I’m not sure how acts of kindness would be interpreted by him, and neither am I certain that the concern for how it would be interpreted ought to determine my actions.  Confusing?  I thought so.

There are a lot of things that I dislike about him, and yet, my ethos and values say that despite his short-comings, he ought not be excluded from the community.  The concept of inclusion matters to me, and though I can’t deny that I don’t think he should be teaching that particular class, I still hold out hope that he would be able to find a more appropriate niche.  I mean, who is to say that he can’t serve and contribute in some other capacity, one where the power structure is not so strongly in his favor?  And maybe, I have misjudged his heart and mind, and that my limited exposure to him hides potentials he might hold elsewhere (though I think my judgment about his teaching isn’t too far off, I don’t really know him very well at all).

All this to say, God can use the tough situations to teach you about yourself.  So be of good cheer.  Bad situations are seldom two-dimensional.

I think I’ve been in a pretty good mood today, because I finally caught up with some sleep and woke up before my alarm. It meant that I had a lot more free time than expected before church.  And today, I voluntarily picked up my Bible to read a large portion of scripture , the first time in a while.  I know that sounds strange, but most of the time, I either follow a schedule or flip through verses that are particularly significant to me at the time, so it was actually quite nice to just have free time and read without any direction or purpose in mind.

Some of the students and I went to an evangelical service this morning.  I think it was the first time for many (as most of them are Catholic), so I think they found the service interesting, though I’m sure most of them could not follow the whole sermon.  Though in fact, I didn’t think the speaker did particularly well with the passage, but then, I’m biased because he was reading from the book of Jonah, which I love, and I’m probably difficult to please in this area.  But on the plus side, the church had a very lively worship time and sang for quite some time before and after the sermon, and I ended up liking that part better.

We had the whole day after church free.  Some people rested, some  went to buy gifts for the game tonight, and others went out for exercise.  ended up taking a walk through the countryside with some of the people here, down by the river where it was muddy but picturesque.  I chatted with Luna most of the time, and then she and I walked back through the town.  In the whole time I’ve been here, this was my first time that I got to explore the area.  The town itself is small, and there are a lot of little charity shops and cafes.  As it was Sunday, none of them were open, except a bookshop, which Luna and I got kicked out of because the owner didn’t like us reading through the children’s section.  But it at least gave me an idea to try to get a hold of some books for Luna so that she could start learning some more vocabulary (after we got back to St. Gildas, I did just that).  I also bought her some sweets at Tesco to try out since she hasn’t done that yet.  Yay for Refreshers and Aero Chocolate!

In the evening (after lots of grading of tests on my part!), we had our gift exchange game, and we were ten in total.  We had a rule that someone can “steal” a gift, though no one actually took up the offer.     I ended up getting a refrigerator magnet of Bath’s Abbey, and I actually love it!  It’s not really something I would typically buy either, so it’s nice in an unexpected, souvenir-y way.  It was bought by Bruno, which makes it kind of special for me as well.  Some of the other gifts were quite funny, and included: a bath bomb, chick flicks, a poetry book (of dreams??), a candle, and chocolate.

The person who got my gift was Marianna, and I’m actually really happy that she got it because I like her a lot and because I think she liked it a lot.  Many smiles!

When it was time for us to have free time, I suggested a game where everyone who wanted to participate was able to buy a gift of around £5, something that they keeping it a secret, and we would later do a gift draw.  Obviously, I didn’t expect everyone to participate since I don’t know their finances, but I thought it would be a fun souvenir from the trip.  I wasn’t really sure how many people would participate, but I went off by myself since I felt that I needed some time on my own.  And it’s much easier to explore on my own, able to go where I want and without needing to wait for anybody.  I went into the Abbey, then walked out to see the shops.  There was a market that had been pointed out, and I thought it would be a good place to find a gift.  There were a lot of small stalls, I though there was a tea and coffee shop, there was no loose leaf tea that I was looking for (white, or chai).  So I moved on and ended up going to a small side street, and there a found a small silver shop, and ended up buying a small clock that folds into a little case.  So cute.    Whoever gets it will be happy, I think.

Walked down by the river as well, which was very pretty and peaceful.  Unfortunately did not have time to walk down the river trail, but I hope that I will be able to return to Bath at some point.  The two hours of free time went by too quickly.  I’m going to admit that I’m ridiculously excited about the gift exchange.  I think a lot of people will end up joining.  For now, we have delayed the gift exchange until tomorrow when there will be more time for some people to buy gifts and be part of the exchange.  Yay for a free day.

Oh, and Tea with Mussolini after dinner.  About older ladies, but was funny because there was Italian and German spoken in the film and we have students here who speak the language. Luna, the Italian girl, was so cute, so happy and giggly and constantly cheerful.  I think she enjoyed hearing the Italian.

Anyway, I’ve been very happy for the past day or so.  Happiness and singing and in a good mood in general.  Despite knowing that I will be gone soon, I’ve enjoyed the time here, and of good cheer.  Yay for Jesus? 

Anyway, enough of my complaints. I administered the test for the upper level class (i.e., I handed out the test and watched them take it until I had to read to them their listening comprehension section).  I think some of them found the test quite difficult, but I hope not too difficult.  There were some who did very well, I suspect, but I have yet to grade all the tests.  I spent some of the afternoon doing that, and in the evening, I spent time with some of the people in the community, (watching them) playing games, dancing, and looking through some of the photos on Johannes’ computer.  I’m fascinated with Germany, so it was good to see some of the photos of his home.  Apparently, they decorate for Christmas in a similar way as Americans. 

The first week of classes is over.  It’s weird, because it was like only yesterday when I arrived, and I feel as if time here is rushing by.  Very soon, I will be back in Southport, with little sign that I have been here.  Except in their memories, and hopefully, some continued friendships.  It’s sad to be leaving so soon.

But tomorrow, we’re going to Bath!!!  Looking forward to the trip!  My first time there!

We had fraternity tonight, which is when the students split into two group and share with one another based on a certain theme.  This week’s theme was “Here and Now,” and we were supposed to talk about how/what we were thinking and feeling, particularly in regard to the community.  I like most of the people in the group very well, though tonight they were strangely quiet. Tired, maybe, and I think some of them have other types of pressures that are on their minds.  Part of the frustration, I think, is that they are intentionally here for three months to learn English, and some of them have not seen significant improvement, and because the community is very international, there are surprisingly few native speakers that have time to speak with them often when they are out of class.  Their time here is quickly coming to an end, which makes this pressure to learn more urgent.  I feel bad for them because I’m not really sure what I can do to help in my short time here.  I can have conversations, of course, but I cannot talk to everybody all at once.  The native speaker to international student ratio is dishearteningly low when in context of their whole day.

Despite all this, I do love the community, and I still want to help out the students to the best of my ability.  I don’t want them to leave and have regrets about coming here.

But in reality, this day had it’s frustrations, though they are really too inconsequential to speak of and I feel immature now that it bothered me at the time.  The day did get better as it went along, though, and the evening turned out to be interesting.  Wednesdays have the conversation night for the students, meaning that people from the local community come to visit and speak to the students one-on-one (or in pairs).  I participated, of course, and ended up having a very interesting conversation with Karolina, whom I had not talked to extensively before that time.  She described her experience going to Wales and seeing a Cathedral there, so we got onto the subject of religion in her country.  She told me that in the Czech Republic, the majority of the people are Catholic, with some Protestants, and a few Orthodox and explained the differences in religious attitude based on particular regions in her country.  She also described the type of Mass she normally attends, and her reaction when she went to an Anglican church (her surprise when the service ended without taking the Eucharist!).  Karolina is actually one of the Elementary level students, but I was shocked at how well she was able to explain herself.  I found out later that she was one of the students who didn’t have anyone to talk to when she first came here because she couldn’t speak English and no one could speak hers.  During that time, I heard, she found solace in her relationship with God, which is one of those things that I believe I can relate to in my own faith journey but have never to quite in the same way.  That was inspirational to me.

Oh, and I found out that Mathilde wants to do something crazy like go live in a kibbutz for a time.   That actually made me like her more. 

That’s all for now!

Yet I would contest these claims and suggest that just because Christianity has pacifistic tendencies, it is by no means a vanguard for the status quo.  Neither is Christianity just about being nice. For while there is certainly a sense in which we are called to humility and even obedience, there is paradoxically the hope and a vision for something other than what just “is” to the possibility of what “should be.” As with the prophets, we attempt to see through to God and to get a glimpse of God’s will on earth.  And then we are to proclaim and enact.

In our devotion to God, we find the call for reform and for perfection, for God’s kingdom on earth, which even at the best of times is hard to articulate and imagine.  I think, though, that we are called to imagine this world which we believe exists though we cannot see it.  To be clear, it does not “exist” in the sense that it is not fully realized and that the spiritual dimension is intangible.  But for us, it exists more real than mundane “reality,” because it has the power to move us and to create us into different beings.  Our imaginations make this reality even more present.

But why imagination, you ask?  Isn’t it just another word for “unreal” and “fantasy”?   No.  Because imagination is the beginning of the creation of a world, the potential energy, only to be put into practice and realized.  The person who has no imagination (or a weak imagination) ought to be pitied because he or she can only be subject to someone else’s imagination.

It is exactly because we are called to imagine a different world other than simply what is in front of us that we are given the power to protest the way things are, be it government policies, human rights issues, materialism, secularization of society, etc.  Our imagination questions other visions of the world, against abusive attempts to create the world that contains harmful power structures, ones that privilege a particular class of people over another.  We combat their creation of the world after their own imaginations with ours, and in that struggle, our visions give us the power to be and to persevere.  It is a fight of values, and we are to fight not with weapons and violence, but with words — and the Logos — and with our imagination and spirit — and with the Spirit.  Thus, Christianity is subversive.

This struggle is best done in community.  If we understand it as a protest of values, what better way to demonstrate the new values than as expressed in a group as an example of how things can be.  This to me, does not mean uniformity, but a willingness to share in each other’s lives through the difference.  I’m reminded that it takes all types.

As to my day today, I did my part in assisting the community by participating in class.  The teacher had a combined class of beginner students with the intermediate/advanced, and I was glad to be able to contribute and to help her formulate the lesson.  Later, there was community prayer, which was surprisingly refreshing (and charismatic).  The day ended with conversation with a friend. It was a very good day, albeit a tiring one.

• Prayer and contemplation seem to be the bookends of the day here at St. Gildas (alpha and omega??).  Woke up early for morning prayer, then attended a couple more prayer/reflection time before the end of the day (which actually doesn’t quite end in a service today, but had a time of adoration before dinner).  Had decided that I wouldn’t be a good contemplative because my mind keeps wandering during these moments of reflection and because I didn’t look forward to these services, but it later grew on me and I did enjoy it in the end.
• Sat in on the two classes (one intermediate/advanced and the other basic) just to observe.  I hadn’t met the teachers until right before class began, so I did not participate much.  I sat next to Bruno, and he turned out to be a surprisingly good student and I was impressed at his knowledge of grammar.  The teacher of the intermediate class wasn’t too riveting, but she did keep them working and was good at explaining things, mentioning things that I would have missed out on if I was teaching.  The other teacher in the basic class was awful, and I almost feel bad for saying that because I think he did try, but utterly failed at connecting with the students and floundered when it came to addressing their confusion and finding ways to teach them.  I felt bad for the students in that class.  One of them was very visibly upset and later told me how that class frustrated her and reminded her of her childhood attempts at learning English.  I will try to help out more the next time around.
• Work projects today which ended up with painting windows and talking to Etienne the whole time.  I was able to add new words into his vocabulary just during our chat together!  Dinner with interesting conversations with students that included teaching vocabulary and comparing British English vocabulary with American English.  It was actually really fun.
• Had a good review time with Alan and told him what I thought of things so far.  I like him and the way he included me into tomorrow’s lesson.  Since the class will be combined tomorrow, the teacher will have my assistance in managing the multi-level class.  I’m looking forward to it!
• Was present while a bunch of students got together to do their homework after dinner.  I was so impressed by how long they stuck at it!  We were there from 8:30 until 11:30, and for much of the time, they were actually learning and asking me questions.  Even Reka and Johannes was there to do some studying though they are not part of the language program.

I’m happy overall to be here.